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Introducing St. Wannabe Enjoy the fictional memoirs of Percy. A small church pastor who learns bigger isn't always better ... the hard way.
His life goals: Abolish imperfection. Live the dream. Walk on water. Like Peter, he says Jesus told him to ‘Come'. But what Jesus said was 'Umm'. So why show us bloopers instead of highlight reels? Because it's not about Percy. It’s about a God who shows up best in unqualified men like Percy. |
Like me, Percy is prone to mistakes + strikeouts. Yet wise enough to learn from them, laugh at himself and adjust his sails. I too dream of the man I 'wannabe'. A man God can use. But God can only use the man I really am.
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Great Expectations 2: The (not so great) Sequel
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Since I always vacillate between pleasing God or people, I decided to
find out which way works best. So I designed this 50 day experiment. For the first 25 days I’d try to please every person in the church and meet all their expectations. The next 25 days are the Lord’s. I’ll only do what pleases Him. I’ll keep people’s needs in mind, but my aim in every decision will be to do whatever God wants. And after 50 days? |
I’ll find out which works best. (Probably by means of a survey or a poll.)
So here’s how it all turned out. The first 25 days went just like clockwork. (Think tilted clock without numbers and the small hand goes backwards.) |
Lessons on greatness from a squirrel
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Here’s the verse I thought would launch me into greatness. “You’ve been
faithful in a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Mt 25:21 My paraphrase: “Be faithful in little and I’ll give you a much bigger role. You’ll upgrade from mini to mega and leave small world in Disneyland.” |
So I gave myself to the little things. I baptized a dog unclogged the sink,
taught 5th graders how to find water with a witching stick. (Don't ask.) And I spent an hour each Saturday in the church attic, hunting squirrels. Nothing distracts from a sermon like the pitter patter of feet above you. And no one has taught me more about greatness than these little pests. |
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Preacher Trading Cards
I came up with a great idea to boost the morale of fellow pastors. And get us some cash to buy a new organ. Ever try to sing ‘Ave Maria’ with a banjo? My idea? ‘Preacher Cards’. Sold in packs of 5. No gum. Just floss. On each card is a photo of a pastor with the kind of stats preachers and church boards seem to care about:
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The Man with a Plan
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I have a strong fear of planning. I’m also allergic to mission statements.
I break out with an urge to head west. On a horse. Immediately. If I just hear the word vision, I go into a coma. But one time in 93, I did think of our church’s future. Why? Our annual vision meeting was the next day. Why do I hate planning? Because I painstakingly write out a plan for how the year should go. But no one sticks to the script! Not even God! Keeps missing His cue! Why plan my life if life won’t follow the plan? |
After reviewing annual goals since 93 and then a log of what we actually did, I decided to change course in our approach to planning as we entered 1996.
Planning session for 1996: Our plan this year was to not plan anything. Daily Ministry Log for 1996: Everything turned out exactly as planned. I need to plan. Except I may stop planning for everything to go as planned. |
Here's the steeple. Where's all the people?
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I often get this urge to ‘lay before the Lord’ in my office.
I call it my quiet time. So quiet I finally heard God speak. He said “Percy, the UPS man is here watching you sleep.’ Actually, it was our receptionist on my speaker phone. |
Today I heard a new voice. Lester charged in and yelled
“You better resign!” Mistaking him for the UPS man, I asked, “Where do I sign?” He said “I didn’t say ‘Sign!’ I said ‘Resign!” So I moved to Maui. If only I really had. |
I followed my gut. Now I'm lost!
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My last sermon was ten minutes long. Yet I preached the whole book of Ezekiel. Verse by verse. ‘How?’ you ask. I promised the church I wouldn't cover texts I don’t understand. That left me with two verses. Little foggy on them too. But I had a hunch, so I went with my gut. Which in my case, never ends well.
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Idea of the Century
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Pastor Percy's dream is to make it big. He's out to build a mega church in a tiny town 500 miles from nowhere. He has a mega church vision that no one's caught very impressed with. Except the guys on his board. So they decide to try out a Sunday service makeover. A mix of the late show, CNN
and a political rally. Roving reporters, pre-sermon speculating and play |
by play commentary throughout the service. 'So, what do you think Ed.
Will Pastor bring the love or will we see an attacker in the pulpit today? |
Why I always cry in January
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My New Year’s resolution - Jan 1st:
"I hereby resolve to no longer fly by the seat of my pants. I will plan my work and work my plan. A plan that reflects my values and life goals. My key words for this year will be: Visualize, Strategize, Actualize.’ My plan was going well until I hit January 2nd. And then it all fell apart. |
My Revised New Year’s resolution - Jan 3rd:
‘I hereby resolve to devote my time, energy and resources to one single goal: ‘Fly by the seat of my pants’. My key words for this year will be ‘flow, flexibility, haphazard’. (Def: ‘having no particular purpose, organization or structure’.) Translation: My goal for this year is to have no goal. |
The Upside of Total Chaos
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I’m easily distracted. If I walk 10 feet, I’ll notice 10 things. Why? I’m looking
for stuff I lost. It’s a gift. I can also destroy a room just by walking in. Like an organizing gift in reverse. I love my brain. It works perfectly. Just differently. Imperfection has an upside. So does chaos. Our chaos may be an unwanted weakness or a string of setbacks. For life rarely preforms like we expect it to. |
Neither do we. None of us are unaffected by weakness or chaos. But chaos is where God shines best. It’s where He does His best work. I love it! For I've no shortage of chaos over which I need Him to hover.
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