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Prayers for My Heart
Prayer is a conversation. An honest heart to heart conversation between friends. He speaks His heart. I speak mine. The only problem: I don't know my own heart. But God does. His words not only express His heart. They help me express mine. |
Looking for hearts that look for yours
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The LORD looks down from heaven on all mankind
to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. Psalms 14:2 
You’re on a search for hearts that understand. Understand what?
For hearts that understand what it is that really matters most in life. You.
I want to have that kind of heart Lord. And I really thought I did.
My head agrees. But I'm not real sure if my heart feels the same. I see how I spend my time when I can spend it on anything. I see the choices I make when I'm free to choose anything. I see what my heart wants most when I can want anything. I see the thoughts that preoccupy me most on any given day. Am I one of those who ‘understand’ what it is that really matters? The fact my mind can grasp a truth doesn’t mean my heart ‘gets it’. I know that you alone matter far more than anything else in my life. But do you matter more than anything else to me? In this moment? I'm not so sure my heart really treasures what I've assumed it does. What consumes my thoughts and time is usually what has my heart. And Lord, you and I both know that most of the time, it isn't you. Lord, open my eyes! If I can just see you again, I’ll want you again! Let the eyes of my heart see your heart. Let my eyes see your eyes. Looking down from heaven. Looking for me. Because you love me. And because you want my love. You want hearts that look for you. You're not a recruiter scanning for volunteers. Your search is that of a father. Looking into the hearts of your children. A groom gazing in the eyes of his bride. To see if the one you love so much loves you. As in Emmaus, you wait til we invite you in before you break bread. Do I want a friendship with you as much as you want one with me? I say I do, but you know. Show me you Lord! Until I want you more! “I will bring him near and he will come close to me –
for who is he who will devote himself to be close to me?” Jeremiah 30:21 Like us, you want to be close to those who want to be close to you.
Let it be me! Give me a heart that wants you the way you want me! |
Do you even see me God?
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Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.
Isaiah 40:26 |
You amaze me God! Who else could even imagine much less create such a vast expanse of planets and stars? To think that almost every speck of light I can see represents a planet or star many times larger than our earth. My finite mind assumes that each one is mostly like a lifeless rock. No different than the million others around it. But this beautifully diverse ‘rock’ we live on tells me otherwise.
All that you make is unique. Beautiful. Distinct. Even within the same species. The heavens are no different. You name each star. Calling them out one by one. No star in the sky nor broken heart on earth goes unnoticed. Each has a name. Each one matters. And knowing you, my broken heart matters far more. Ps 147:3,4 |
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Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Isaiah 40:27
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Yet like Israel I complain that my way is hidden from you. My cause disregarded. My head tells me it can’t be true. Surely you see me and care about my cause! But Lord, when you fail to respond to my cries, what am I supposed to think? How do I trust in your goodness when my cries for help go unanswered? Do you even see me Lord?
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Do you not know? Have you not heard? I am the Lord; the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary. His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:28,29
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I’m glad you don't grow tired or weary. But I do Lord. Everyday. I'm not like you!
I'm tired. If my way is not hidden from you, then surely you see how weary I am. You say you give strength to the weary. Pardon me for asking, but where is it?! You say you give power to the weak. So I ask you for strength. So why am I still weak? I know you promised to give us strength. I guess I don't know how to receive it. |
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Even youths grow tired and weary
and young men stumble and fall ... Isaiah 40:30 |
How often I’ve wished I could turn back the years to regain the energy of youth. Yet I know that the weariness that weighs on my soul is in my soul. Not my body. I can’t blame my age or my body for this spiritual fatigue. Even this fiery young generation I so admire can lose their passion. So how does an old soul like me not lose mine?
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But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
*The Hebrew word for ‘renew’ here carries the idea of ‘exchange’. Like trading in my weaknesses and then being given His strength. *The Hebrew word for 'wait' here means to hope or look to. But it also comes from a root word 'kavah' that originally meant 'to twist, weave or braid - as with a rope.' Picture a piece of weak yarn that's wrapped around a steel cable. To break the yarn, I must break the cable. When braided with the cable, the yarn takes on it's strength. |
You know my rant all too well. “I do wait on you! So where's the strength! When I walk, I faint. If I run, I get weary. Nor do I soar like an eagle. I can barely get up!"
I see now how I’ve wrongly blamed you for my weariness. I’m sorry Lord. I truly thought I was waiting on you, but I wasn’t. I was waiting ‘for’ you. To answer my prayers or give me strength. Yet rarely spending time with you so I can receive it. Lord, I want to live with you. Not just for you. I want to be close to you. Aware of you. Hearing your heart. Speaking mine. Inviting you into every part of my life. Like yarn wrapped around a steel cable, I want to braid myself around you. Until your strength becomes mine. And by your Spirit's power, I finally do what I never could. Walk without fainting. Run without growing weary. Soar on wings like an eagle. |
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I've lost my hunger and I want it back!"you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! "
Revelation 3:15 "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first." Revelation 2:4 "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold .." Matthew 24:12 "Do not let your zeal subside; keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." Romans 12:11 
My fire’s going out! At one time, there was nothing I wanted more than you.
Like a young man falling in love, there was a pull on my heart I couldn’t resist. I just wanted to know you. Be close to you. Hear from you. See your beauty. But something’s happened in me lately and I don’t like it. The hunger is gone. I’ve grown drowsy from the sedative of over-familiarity. Nothing affects me. Not even you. But it isn’t you that’s changed Lord. It's the heart I see you with. I live for you more than I live with you. I speak about you but rarely to you. I look for your hand more than your heart. Your favor more than your face. My prayer life centers on me not you. I do serve you but I rarely seek you. I run on autopilot. I sing lyrics I don't feel. I pray. But my heart just isn’t in it. Unless I want something from you. The fiery zeal I once had has cooled off. I feel pushed by duty. Not pulled by love. If honest, I’m bored. Even with you. I want my heart to burn again! Yet I resist formulas for fire. I’ll build an altar. Offer my heart. But you must send the fire or there won’t be any. I am wood. You are the fire. I catch fire by getting close to you. Looking at you. Not me. Yet I can’t chase the fire. I must chase you. Like joy or awe, fire fades if I seek it directly. Only as I lose sight of me and see you can my heart catch fire again. Do what you did on the Emmaus Road. Show me you. Until I’m hungry again. |
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I just want to be where you are
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Abraham got up early that morning and hurried to the place where he had stood in the Lord’s presence. Genesis 19:27
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I want to want you like this. Where I get up early with eager anticipation. Just because I want to be with you. I rarely 'hurry' to anything. Unless it's something I want. Abraham 'hurried' to meet with you. I want to be with you, yet I often see 'our time' as a discipline. Obligation. Duty. Deliver me from just ‘having devotions’! I want to be eager to meet you.
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The Lord said to Moses, “Come up to me on the mountains. Stay here and I will give you the tablets of stone, with the law and commands I have written for their instruction." Exodus 24:12
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Lord, I have nothing to give people unless I come and meet with you. Unless you give me something to give them, they'll go hungry. In myself I have nothing to feed them with. It's
you their soul is hungry for. Not anything I have. It's your words they need, not mine. And you give your words to those who want you more than they want a ministry. |
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Then Moses set out with Joshua his aide and
Moses went up on the mountain of God. Exodus 24:13 |
How often I take your presence for granted. I assume that since you are everywhere, there is no need to seek you out. While the gift of your presence isn't earned by what I do, there is a place for ‘climbing the mountain of God'. Especially if I want to walk closely with you.
Like us, you only give your heart to those who want it. To those who want you. You don't make yourself known in a personal way to those who aren't hungry. Moses wanted YOU! Your omnipresence was enough for Israel, but not for Moses. He just had to know your ways, stand in your presence and see your glory. It's why he saw you. He wanted to. You show yourself to the hungry. We are as close to you as we want to be. Help me want you! |
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When Moses climbed up on the mountain, the cloud covered it. And the glory of the Lord settled down on Mt Sinai ... The Lord called to Moses from inside the cloud. Then Moses disappeared into the cloud as he climbed higher up the mountain. He remained on the mountain 40 days and 40 nights. Exod. 24:15-18
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No experience or person can ever substitute for your presence. For your presence is what my heart hungers for. Even when I don't realize it. I often think my hunger is for something else. If you let me get 'it', I quickly realize that's not 'it'. I can't satisfy the itch in my spirit by scratching my flesh. I was made for you! It's why I'll never be satisfied apart from you.
It's why you call all of us 'up the mountain'. Not only for your sake. But for ours. So I will climb! Not so my face glows but so i can be with you. Hear you. See you. Know you. But to do so, I too must 'disappear in the cloud'. The real 'secret to life' is a secret life with you. |
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Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp a distance away, calling it ‘the tent of meeting’. … As he went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and hover at its entrance while the Lord spoke with Moses. Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Afterward Moses would return to the camp, but the young man who assisted him, Joshua son of Nun, would remain behind in the Tent of Meeting. Exod. 33: 7,9,11
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I want to want like Moses. He wanted to be in your presence. He devoted himself to that. That's the kind of heart you're looking for. Jer. 31:20 I don't want to be like Israel. Content to watch Moses meet with you. I don't want to 'observe from afar'. I've done that too long. I want to actually meet with you God in this 'tent of meeting’ I set apart for you and I.
Make me acutely aware of you. Free me from distraction so I see only you and you alone. Stir a hunger in me. A hunger for you that overpowers every other craving. Let me enjoy the sweet communion with you that Moses did. Heart to heart conversations. Hearing your voice. Knowing what’s on your mind. Speak to me O God! As a man speaks to his friend! I'll do the same for you. May I like Joshua, linger here. Just because you're here. |
A song in my heart worth singing
How can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign land? If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
may my right hand forget it’s skill. May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I don’t remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem my highest joy.
Psalms 137:4-6
may my right hand forget it’s skill. May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I don’t remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem my highest joy.
Psalms 137:4-6
Setting: Psalm 137 is a lament. These grieving Jews dream of Jerusalem while captive
in Babylon. Their captors say 'Sing a song of Zion'. But they can't. They're not in Zion!
Prayer: Lord, I want to be like the man who wrote this. But only a lover can talk like this.
Only a man in love takes a stand like this, risking his life over a song. I want such a love!
A singer who has no song without you. A musician who loves you more than his music.
And your presence more than a platform. Who dreams about your place more than his.
Only a lover would say “What’s the point of a love song if I can’t sing it to my beloved?”
Oh to love like this! Like Moses who sees no point to a promised land if you aren't in it.
Or David who'd rather see you than be seen. Or Paul, who counts it all loss to have you.
What this psalmist wants is you! Your presence is his highest joy. You are why he sings!
Apart from you, he sees no point in having a talent. No lyrics are worthy of his beautiful
voice. No song is worth singing. No instrument worth playing. No music worth making.
But not me. I’m like the world I live in. I see many reasons to sing, even apart from you.
To be heard, valued, admired, loved. Even my songs about you are rarely sung for you.
A song of Zion is beautiful because it’s about you. Yet I can sing it and only think of me.
Help me! I'd rather be on a stage than in your house! At an audition than at your table.
Would I have hung my harp on the poplars if a crowd asked to hear my beautiful song?
I doubt it. I love my song too much. And the attention it brings. But I fear the end is fast
becoming the means. I'll insist ‘it’s all about you’. But we both know I'm singing for me.
I'm no singer, but I do this a lot as I serve, pray or write. I say it's for you yet do it for me.
But this psalmist sees no point to his lyrics or his beautiful song if he can’t sing it to you.
In your house. You are why He sings in the first place. It's about you, for you and to you.
What makes his song beautiful? The love behind his lyrics. The heart behind his voice.
Lord, give me a heart that loves you more than song
and I’ll finally have a song in my heart worth singing!
in Babylon. Their captors say 'Sing a song of Zion'. But they can't. They're not in Zion!
Prayer: Lord, I want to be like the man who wrote this. But only a lover can talk like this.
Only a man in love takes a stand like this, risking his life over a song. I want such a love!
A singer who has no song without you. A musician who loves you more than his music.
And your presence more than a platform. Who dreams about your place more than his.
Only a lover would say “What’s the point of a love song if I can’t sing it to my beloved?”
Oh to love like this! Like Moses who sees no point to a promised land if you aren't in it.
Or David who'd rather see you than be seen. Or Paul, who counts it all loss to have you.
What this psalmist wants is you! Your presence is his highest joy. You are why he sings!
Apart from you, he sees no point in having a talent. No lyrics are worthy of his beautiful
voice. No song is worth singing. No instrument worth playing. No music worth making.
But not me. I’m like the world I live in. I see many reasons to sing, even apart from you.
To be heard, valued, admired, loved. Even my songs about you are rarely sung for you.
A song of Zion is beautiful because it’s about you. Yet I can sing it and only think of me.
Help me! I'd rather be on a stage than in your house! At an audition than at your table.
Would I have hung my harp on the poplars if a crowd asked to hear my beautiful song?
I doubt it. I love my song too much. And the attention it brings. But I fear the end is fast
becoming the means. I'll insist ‘it’s all about you’. But we both know I'm singing for me.
I'm no singer, but I do this a lot as I serve, pray or write. I say it's for you yet do it for me.
But this psalmist sees no point to his lyrics or his beautiful song if he can’t sing it to you.
In your house. You are why He sings in the first place. It's about you, for you and to you.
What makes his song beautiful? The love behind his lyrics. The heart behind his voice.
Lord, give me a heart that loves you more than song
and I’ll finally have a song in my heart worth singing!
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Boldly before your throne
“Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For your sake, my God, do not delay”
Daniel 9:17-19 
COMMENTS:
I love Daniel’s confidence before God! I’m not that bold. Especially if I’m aware of any sin or feel any guilt. Yet listen to what he prayed earlier: “Lord, you are righteous, but this day we are covered with shame … for we have sinned against you”. vs 7,8 How can he pray so boldly while also feeling deep regret and shame over his sin? My confidence in prayer fluctuates based on how obedient I think I’ve been lately. If I’m aware of any sin or feel any guilt, I’m reluctant to pray at all, much less pray boldly. What’s the basis for his confidence? ‘We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy.’ v.18 His relied on God's mercy. Not his goodness and it made him bold. PRAYER: You are righteous in all you do. Your motive is love. Your heart is pure. Mine is not. I sin against you a lot. I wound you and others. I hate my sin and often myself. But that’s where we're different. You hate my sin too. But you love me. And forgive me. You sympathize with me in my weakness being tempted yourself. You look on me with eyes of love even as my sin is wounding your heart. How can you still love me? Because of your mercy, I come boldly despite my sin and I bring you my requests. Lord, I ask you to look on this sinful and undeserving man through your eyes of mercy. I know that I don't deserve it, yet because of your mercy, I boldly ask you to forgive me, help me and place your hand of favor on me. I don’t appeal to you on the basis of my goodness but your mercy. I put my hope in your love, not mine. I don’t ask because I deserve it. But because you are merciful and want me to ask. I do not rest my faith on any good that I’ve done or how I feel about myself today. You know me fully. Yet love me deeply. So I won’t despise myself nor shrink back from coming. I choose to believe you love me as you say you do. So then I pray like Daniel ‘Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear! Act! For your sake my God, don’t delay!’ |
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Oh to want what David wants! Like David wants it!
Psalm 27:4 
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"I want to want you more than I do!"
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“You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.” Psalms 63:1
"I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.” Psalms 63:2 "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalms 63:3
"My soul will be satisfied, as with the richest of foods..." Psalms 63:5
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God, I want to thirst for you like David. But I can't say I do. I'm committed. Devoted. But thirsty with longing? Not really. If honest, I want other things more than you. But I want to want you! My heart needs you even if I don't feel it. As I drink of your Word, let the water of your Spirit revive my thirst.
I too have seen your power and glory. But it’s been a long time! It feels like you're hiding! Why are these brushes with glory so few and far between? Show me your glory! If it's me, remove what hinders my vision so I can see.
My head tells me David's right. Your love is better than life. But my heart's not there yet. I love life! A lot. Yet David loved your love far more than life! Am I missing something? Is there more to your love than what I know?
My head knows that you love me. Yet it doesn't seem to satisfy my soul. To know that I'm loved is one thing. To be loved is another. Your love affected David in a way that ruined him for everything else. Even life itself. Is that the glory he saw in the sanctuary? Your love? May I see what the heart he saw! Taste what he tasted. Until like him, I love your love more than life.
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"Lord, wean my heart from me"
Let's pray together! Let this text inspire your own prayer. Pray it privately and if you wish, share it here.
While I want to pray out of my own heart, sometimes I find words for my heart in the mouth of another. |
