The Upside of Total Chaos

'Chaos: a place or condition of great disorder or confusion'. (i.e. my brain)

I don’t focus well. Far too distracted. If I walk ten feet, I'll notice ten things.
Why? I’m looking for stuff I lost yesterday. I once sprained my thumb and
lost the adhesive tape. With brace in hand, I scoured the house. Found the
tape an hour later.  As I went to tape my thumb … you guessed it. No brace.

It’s a gift. My shadow once fell across the neighbor’s dog. He’s still missing.

I can also transform an ordinary room just by walking in. It’s kinda like an
organizing gift but in reverse. One day I watched my garage turn itself into
a mountain of stuff. All I did was 'reorganize' it. And look for a thumb brace.

I actually have a certificate in this stuff. A Dr’s official diagnosis recognizing
my amazing ADHD brain. I am not embarrassed by my brain or my need of
assistance in using it. I love my brain. It functions perfectly. Just differently.

By 'differently' I mean this: Imagine you're a traffic director in a third world
country in rush hour with no lanes, traffic lights and no whistle. Like drivers,
every thought has a mind of its own. Not pretty. But it works for me. Kinda.

 Ok. Maybe not. I do need to focus more. Makes life easier. And me happier.   
Yet I'm amazed at how much more God does with my weakness than I could
ever do with the strengths I wish I had. I find His grace more than sufficient.  
He even brings beauty out of the very weakness that I 'knew' would ruin me.
 
One day my dear friend Dave told me “Jack, I’m so glad you have ADHD.”
I replied “Tell me what you mean. Quickly, before I smack you!” Dave said,

“If I needed a friend, I would never call the highly organized professional
you wish you were. The people I know who are hyper organized will most
likely have no open time slots.  Unless it's 3 weeks from Friday at 4 sharp.
I’d call you first.  Know why?   Because I know you’d drop everything and
come and listen to me. I know you care.  That’s why I’m glad you're you.”

I've often resented my inability to get stuff done or finish my daily task list.
One reason I don't is that I receive many calls as a Care Pastor. When I do,
I ‘drop everything’. Dave helped me see my unfinished tasks in a new light.
I am doing what God wants me to. I'm loving people. Like He called me to.

I had begun viewing these calls as interruptions. They weren't in 'my plans'.
Plans to become this highly organized professional pastor who 'does it all'.
But these calls are in God's plan.  A plan to help the weak. Love the hurting.

I saw my tendency to drop stuff and respond to every call as irresponsibility.
God saw my heart. So He sent a friend to show me my 'weakness' is an asset.

Imperfection has an upside. So does chaos. Your chaos might be a long string of setbacks when life rarely preforms like you expect it to or want it to.
Or if you're like me, your chaos may be an unwanted weakness
when you rarely perform like you expect to or like you wish you could.

The reality we're left with is this: Life rarely preforms the way we expect it to.
And neither do we.  None of us can live life unaffected by weakness or chaos. 

However, there is good news!
Chaos is where God shines brightest! It’s where He does His best work!

The earth was formless and empty ('chaos' TLV) and darkness covered the deep waters and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. Gen 1 
 
I love it! For I have no shortage of chaos over which God’s Spirit can ‘hover’.
Whatever my chaos:  a weakness, a minor setback, a major crisis or a mess I
made by my sin or foolishness, God can create something beautiful out of it.

I am an 'air traffic controller wannabe'. I dream of controlling the skies. At least the traffic up there. But I can't even control the air traffic between my ears. (Notice I said 'air traffic', not air. I resist the urge to demean a brain God made.)

There is so much traffic coming across the screen I'm responsible for in any given minute, that it's often overwhelming. But then God reminds me He never asked me to control the chaos. He simply asked me to follow Him. I also thought I could
control how my day goes. (Laugh here.) And where my mind goes. (Not here.)

Yet there is an upside to my inability to control chaos. I never know what's next.

Speaking of which ... gotta run. Neighbor got a new dog. Wants me to see it.