Home isn't home without you - Pt 1

Excerpt: From a Dad after dropping his son off at college. 'I have plenty of everything - except Mike and in parental math, 5 minus 1 doesn’t equal plenty.’ God feels this. There is a place in His heart that only you can fill.

(Previously posted on April 8, 2019)

Ever felt such a deep love for someone that it caught you off guard? Or look at your child and think ‘I never knew I could love this much!’? Or maybe it’s ‘worry this much’. Even our irritation as parents is often rooted in love. Our kids affect us as they do because we love them so much.

While love is not a feeling, our emotions will be affected by those we love. And those we love most affect us most. By their sweetness or their rudeness. By their nearness or their absence.

Ever wonder how God feels about you? Think of what you feel for those you love most. Then multiply it by a trillion. Or become a parent. You won’t just see the heart of God. You’ll feel it. 

I love my kids more than I realize. There’s a love in me for them buried so deep, I lose sight of it. Until a memory or event flips a switch and a dam breaks. Releasing a flashflood of emotion.

I’ll never forget the day we took our daughter to college. And then drove home. Without her. Maybe it’s because Stacey’s our firstborn or just because I love her so much but I never knew it would be so painful. I missed her long before we took that trip and long after we returned.

I was finally starting to adjust to her absence when I read a story by Bob Benson in his book ‘Come share the being’. He describes the day he took his son to college. (Thanks a lot Bob!)

“Nearly a year ago, Peg and I had a very hard week.

Wednesday Night: Mike slept downstairs in his room, where children belong. And we slept upstairs in our bedroom, where moms and dads belong.

Thursday Night: We were 350 miles away from home. He was in Ramada 325 and we were in 323, connecting rooms. With the door open, we talked and laughed together a long time.

Friday Night: 700 miles from home, and he was in Room 247 and we were in 239, but it was just down the balcony, and somehow we still seemed together.

Saturday Night: He was in the freshman dorm. We were in Room 239. It was getting harder.

Sunday Night: We were home, and he was 700 miles away in Chapman 309.

Now, we’ve been through this before. Bob Jr. had gone off to college, and we had gathered ourselves together until we finally came to terms with it – mainly because he’s married now and lives ten miles away, and he visits often with Deb and little Robert III. So we thought we knew how to handle separation pretty well. But we still came away too lonely and blue.

Oh, our hearts were filled with pride at this fine young man, and our minds were filled with memories from tricycles to commencements, but deep down inside somewhere, we just ached with loneliness and pain.

Somebody said, “You still have three at home!” Three fine kids, and still plenty of noise; plenty of games to go to; plenty of responsibilities; plenty of laughter; plenty of everything. Everything except Mike. And in parental math, five minus one just doesn’t equal plenty.”

After I read this, all I wanted is a dark room and a pillow to hide my tears in. I missed 'my girl'!
No one can take Stacey’s place in my heart. No one. Not my wife. Nor my other children who I love just as deeply. But my sorrow was not because of any unresolved issue in our friendship.
I wept simply because we have a friendship. A close one. I missed her. That’s all there is to it.

I wanted to stop reading. But Bob wasn’t done. Once I could see through my tears, I read on.
After being reminded of what my kids mean to me, Bob reminded me of what I mean to God.
Because of his next words and my raw emotions, I not only saw what God feels for us. I felt it.

Bob had everything but Mike, yet 'in parental math, five minus one just doesn’t equal plenty.”
Then he said "And I started thinking about God. He sure has plenty of children – plenty of artists and singers and carpenters and candlestick makers and preachers – plenty of everybody

... except you.

And all of them put together can never take your place. There will always be an empty place in his heart – and a vacant chair at his table – if you are not home. And if once in a while it feels like he is crowding you a bit – getting pushy or fussy – try to forgive him. It may be one of those nights when he misses you so much he can just hardly stand it.”

He feels this way about you! When He’s crowding you and when it seems He's forgotten you.
I assume He doesn’t care if I don’t see His hand. But circumstances never tell the whole story.
Parents can say no for the child’s sake yet be accused of not caring at all. We do it to God too.

Some say God is unaffected by anything. Or anyone. Yet He called Himself a father. A groom. As parents made in His image, our hearts offer a hint as to what’s in His. No parent can love a child like He loves His and be unaffected by them. Nor do all He did for His bride and not feel.

Leaving Stacey was hard, yet I want her to follow her dream and her God. Who I trust with her care. So why was I an emotional wreck? One reason. Our home isn't the same if Stacey’s not in it. I agree with Bob. In ‘parental math, five minus one doesn’t equal plenty’. It’s still ‘minus one’.

There is a place in your heart for God alone. A place no one except God Himself can fill. But there’s also a place in His heart for you. And at His table. A place that no one but you can fill.

Growing up, I wondered how God could love me with all my sin, my weakness and my ‘stuff’. Then I had a child. And I understood. With a 2nd child on the way, I thought ‘How will I ever love another child as much as I love Stacey?’ Then Bryce was born. And I understood! When Cherish arrived, I fell in love all over again! And still today I love all of them as much as I love each of them. As a Dad, I now can see how God can love each of us in a deeply personal way.

You matter to God! Why? He’s a father! Who loves each of us as much as He loves any of us.
Jesus said the Father loves you as much as He loves Him. Jn.17:23 It's possible. Ask a parent.

In Part 2, we'll explore why many of us believe God can love everyone uniquely ... 'except me'.