But I need love with skin on - Pt 1

Excerpt: I'm glad God loves me. But I also want love with skin on! Yes, this want could eclipse my desire for God. Yet He wired us for love and said it isn't good for man to be alone. So He hurts for us whenever we are.

(This post was originally published Jan 24, 2018)

In the last post ‘The God who Notices’, Jesus knocked on the door of a lonely man.

For most, hearing that God loves you and is at your door is a great comfort. Yet for others, it’s like being reminded Mom still loves you after your girlfriend dumps you.
You appreciate your Mother. But her love doesn’t make up for the love you've lost.
And it's not her friendship you're most concerned about. Your mind is elsewhere.

Some of us don't open the door to God because He is not who we're waiting for. "I’m glad God loves me. But it’s not His love I really want. I need love with skin on!"

Ever had a friend wave or smile as they approach, then greet someone else? God's waiting for us to notice Him. But many of us are looking for a different face. A different love. A love with skin on. "I'm glad God loves me. But does anyone else?”

If you identify, don’t take on guilt too quickly. Nor assume God is disappointed. Or that you’re earthly minded. Or that you don't love God enough if He isn’t ‘enough’ for you. Yes, we can make idols out of human love. But don’t assume you have, just because you want love with skin on. The longing may just be a sign you’re human. 

As Hannah wept over her barren womb, her husband said “Why do you weep? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” Most women are rolling their eyes right now and thinking ‘Men!’. As they should. Most of us can’t identify with a woman’s intense longing for a child. Nor can we fully appreciate the pain of a barren womb.

But God isn’t like that. He won't minimize your suffering. Or say ‘Don’t I mean more to you than a child?’ God understood Hannah’s desire for a child. He gave it to her.

He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Ps 113:9

God understands your desire for human love.
He gave it to you.

We're often told ‘God is all we need’. Which is true. However, God is also the one who made us dependent on other things besides Him. Like air, water, food, rest.  
We also need people. We need family. Friends. Many of us feel a need to marry. And for many women, the longing for a child is as strong as her need for oxygen.

Remember: Our need to love and be loved and our need to belong is God’s idea.  

'God sets the lonely in families.' Ps. 68:5 'Children are a gift from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is His reward.' Ps. 127 'It is not good for the man to be alone.' Ge. 2:18

I remember a few lonely years waiting for the love of my life to show up. Knowing my Mom loved me didn’t make it all better or relieve all my pain. Yet I did need her love. And she knew her love wasn't the only love I needed. So she waited with me.
 
Is God any less understanding if I need ‘love with skin on’? A longing He gave me?
I respect how sensitive this topic is. If God hasn’t answered my prayers for a friend or if He's 'taken' my loved one, it makes sense that I may question His compassion.

I don't understand God's reasons. But in His Son I find reasons to trust His heart. I believe He grieves over what grieves us. Yet logic tells me that since God could prevent a loss yet doesn't, He must want it to happen. So how can I think He cares?

In the Son, I see the Father's heart. A heart I can trust.

The Son shows me a side of God’s heart I'll never see through the lens of logic. Mary told Jesus ‘If you'd been here, my brother would not have died.’ Jn.11:32. She had sent word ahead that Lazarus was dying. And yet he waited 2 days. Why?! How could she not draw the conclusion that He must not care? Most of us would.  

Yet in the very next verse, ‘Jesus saw her weeping’ and ‘was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.’ And then just before He raises Lazarus to life, 'Jesus wept'. Why then? It can’t be for Lazarus. He’s about to see him. The text tells us why. v.33 He wept after He watched them weep. Your sorrow moves the heart of God! Deeply!

Have you wept for a friend lately? What happens when you see their pain? You feel the pain they feel. You can't watch a friend's heart break without it breaking yours.
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I don’t know why God allows what He allows. And I’ll admit it often feels cruel. Yet in the deep sobs and tears of Jesus, I see a side of God that catches me off guard. I
see a God who weeps over the very losses that He in His sovereign wisdom allows.

“In all their suffering he also suffered.” Isaiah 63:9 

After his son Alex was killed in an accident, Pastor William Coffin was asked where God was at in all this. He said “God’s heart was the first of all our hearts to break.”

He longs to comfort us. Not by removing all grief but by walking with us through it.

I’ve often asked God to take away the deep sting of grief. I realize that loss is a part of life. But if loss is inevitable, couldn’t He at least eliminate or minimize it's pain?  

And then I heard a widow describe her grief. “My grief feels like a heavy backpack full of bricks. I want to cut the straps. Be done with it. But then one day I realized my grief is the ever present reminder of how much my husband’s life mattered.”

She loved her husband. While living, his presence mattered to her. Immensely. It’s why his absence matters now. His death should affect her. Her grief makes sense.

But where’s God? He's here. A friend when other friends die or leave. He waits with me while I wait for love. But what God will not do is try to fill the place they left. As long as my loved one’s gone, I will feel the pain of their empty chair. And I should.

With deep love comes deep grief.
We'll grieve deeply if we love deeply.

Pr.13:12 ‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick’. ‘Sick’ here means ‘rubbed worn’. The longer hope is withheld or delayed, the more it hurts. The more I love you the more it hurts to lose you. If we grieve deeply, it's only because we've loved deeply.

This widow gave me permission to grieve. And without any guilt. My longing for love matters. The love I’ve lost matters. It not only matters to me, it matters to God.

We need love with skin on. Yes, it's a need that can overshadow our need for God. But the need itself is not a cause for shame. Nor an offense to God. Don’t assume that your love for God must not be real if you also feel a need for love with skin on.

You were created for love. The need to love and be loved is a need God gave you.

Question for reflection: Do you feel the need for ‘love with skin on’? Ever feel guilty for feeling lonely? Do you think God's angry because you need a love besides His?