Waiting in the Entryway

Excerpt: Christ lives here. In this heart of mine He calls home. He knocked. I opened. He entered and waited. Just inside the entryway. That was years ago. Where is He now? No idea. Somewhere in this house I call my life.

Christ lives here. 
In this heart of mine where He's made His home.
He lives here because He wanted to.
And because I wanted Him to. 
He wanted my friendship. And I wanted His.
So I invited Him in and He came. And He's been here ever since.

When He first knocked, I opened.  When I opened, He stepped inside.
But then He stopped.  And stood.  Looked inside. And waited.
Just inside the entryway.

That was fifty years ago. So where is He now? On this night when I really need Him.
I have no idea. I know He’s here somewhere. Somewhere in this house I call my life.
He said He’d never leave.  And I do believe Him.  I just can't find Him at the moment.

Why does He seem to disappear when I need Him? He’s nowhere to be found!  
Now I’ll admit. I haven’t really looked very hard. Or very long. But should I have to?
He knows I need Him. So why isn't He showing up?  I know He’s around.
But I can’t feel His presence. Haven't for a long time. Nor can I hear His voice.

The only thing I do hear … every once in a while … is a faint knocking. 
And then after a while, it stops.   

There it is again!
No sooner do I question His presence when that quiet knock interrupts the silence.
Could it be Him? If so, why would He knock when He’s already inside?
“You know where I am Lord. And I know you know!” I say.  To myself more than Him.

So excuse me while I go searching for my Lord. In this house we both call home.
This is annoying! Must I really play ‘hide n seek’ with God when He knows where I am?! 

God doesn't hide Himself from you so that He can't be found;
He hides Himself from you so that He can be found.
Tommy Tenney

Fortunately, playing 'hide and seek' with God is like playing it with Daddy when you're 3.
He'll stick his foot out the door. Cough real loud or make funny noises to give you a hint.

After roaming down several hallways and following His clues, I finally found Him.
In the last place I’d expect.
Just inside the front entryway.

Near the same door He knocked on years ago. Of all the places! Why here?!
And why knock? He’s already inside! Standing there as if He’s waiting. For what?!
Before I can ask my question, He has one for me. “May I please come in?”

‘What!?’ I try to hide my frustration but with God, it’s not easy.  So I blurt it out.
“Lord, I told you ‘My house is yours! Make yourself at home.’ Yet I haven't seen you lately. Nor have I heard from you. Why are you hiding? And of all places, why here?!"

I distinctly remember inviting Him to eat at my table and sit on my couch.
Yes, that was quite a long time ago. But still.
We had so many great talks at that table and on that couch. Especially in the beginning.
Yes, my life has grown hectic. With so many things in my head and my heart, I will admit. I have forgotten Him. It’s been ages since I asked Him to join me on the couch for a chat.

Nevertheless, I'm still confused. Here I’ve been waiting for Him and He’s waiting for me!?

It's a bit awkward. It feels like we’re strangers meeting for the first time.
I’ve never felt so alone. Yet He still lives in my house.That makes the loneliness worse.
Together in the same house. But together all alone.

Lost in my thoughts, I forget He’s watching me.  
I’m thinking about Him, not talking to Him. So He knocks again and smiles. But I'm mad.
‘Lord, are you really not going to show up or speak up in this house unless I ask you to?
Must I invite you into whatever room I’m in before you’ll ‘make yourself at home’?’

The look on His face tells me ‘Yes’.  But it also says He loves me. And misses me.
I can tell He's fully aware of what I'm feeling tonight. I can see He’s concerned. Deeply.
His eyes tell me so. They also tell me I’m not the only one who’s felt alone in this house.

I think I get it. It’s ‘my’ house in which He’s a guest. He knows it. So He respects that fact.
He only feels as much freedom in this house as I give Him. He’s not the kind to take it.
It’s His house too. But whether it ever feels like home to Him is really up to me. Not Him.

Suppose we try to locate the cause of disorder,
we shall find it lies in the want (or lack) of mutual love.  
Mozi

I feel like yelling 'The ball's in your court!', but then I recall my initial discovery of girls.
You know what attracted me to my first ‘girlfriend’ in 6th grade? She had a quality I had never seen in any other girl. She liked me! (See ‘The sweet joy of being liked’ Pt. 1)

We tend to like those who like us. (Stalkers not included) It doesn't stop in Jr. Hi. If a guy likes a girl and hopes to know her, he must follow her lead. Unless she asks me in, I'm  a fool to trespass uninvited. If I'm wise, I'll ask before I assume. I'll knock before I enter.

To say it’s ‘tricky’ is an understatement. She must know me before she’ll let me know her. Yet she won’t get to know me unless she wants to. And I can’t make her want to! Plus, she wants to know how interested I am before she’ll know if she has any interest in me.  And how does she find out if I’m truly interested? By showing no interest in me! Help Lord!

And even if a guy can miraculously land the chance at a date to ‘see where this goes’,
he hasn’t yet climbed the mountain of knowing her. He’s just arriving at base camp.

It’s an inescapable law of friendship. We can only be as close as we each of us wants to be. I may want to know you, but if I respect you, I won't push my way in. I'll honor your wish. There's little hope of a first date without mutual interest. Much less a lifelong friendship.

Watch Jesus with His disciples. He waited to see their interest before revealing Himself.

As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus continued on as if he were going farther. But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.  Luke 24: 28,29

He wants us but He also wants to be wanted.  In any friendship, desire must be mutual. And usually, we can tell whether or not it is.  I may want to be close. But I’ll only come as close as I think you want me to.  Same with God. He draws close to those who want Him!

"The Lord is with you when you are with him.
If you seek him, he will be found by you ..."
2 Chronicles 16:2

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,
I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”
Revelation 3:20

This verse is often addressed to unbelievers. But He said this to Christians. Who already ‘opened their door’ to Him. But their hearts are lukewarm. Familiarity, neglect and other desires have quenched the fire of first love. Replacing it with indifference. Yet Jesus still wants them. Their indifference hasn't quenched His love. He's still at the door. Knocking.

But why knock? He’s already in! He wants to come all the way in. To sit. Talk. Listen. To know us. Do life with us. What's a friendship without fellowship? But He’s a gentleman and a respectful guest will honor your 'space'.  They won't ‘come on in' unless uninvited. Notice Jesus says he will come and eat with you IF you want Him to. If you open the door.

Jesus is ‘in the house’. But His access to me is up to me. He comes where He's wanted. And how would He know if He is? Jonathan McReynolds in his song 'Make Room' prays
"I find space for what I treasure. I make time for what I want. I choose my priorities. And Jesus, you're my number One. So I will make room for You. I will prepare for two."

If the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal.
Unknown

Why did Jesus visit Martha and Mary's house a lot? They made room for Him. They made it clear they wanted Him there. "A woman named Martha opened her home to him."

The fact I’m made in God’s image not only tells me about myself. It tells me about Him.  Just as I need to know I'm wanted before I give you my heart, God waits to be wanted too.
The treasure of a close friendship with God is for those who want it. And sell all to have it.
The treasure of hearing His voice is for those who want to hear Him. Who stop and listen.

"The Lord looks down from heaven on all mankind
to see if there are any who understand,  any who seek God."
Psalms 14:2

"For who is he who will devote himself to be close to me?"
Jeremiah 30:21

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."
James 4:8

If you feel far from God, consider this. What if He’s not the one who moved? It may feel like it. But remember the cross and trust His heart. Despite His silence. It doesn't imply absence. Maybe the ball is in His court. But will you move toward Him anyway? After all, He did move first. From Heaven. To earth. To your door. Which is where He is right now.

We are at this moment as close to God as we really choose to be.  
 J Oswald Sanders