See yourself with eyes of Mercy Pt 1

Excerpt: Having worth and being worthy aren’t the same. Am I worthy of mercy? No. But I have worth. So do you. You can’t earn mercy. Mercy comes at a price, but it’s paid by the giver, not the receiver.  

(FYI: Same content from original May 7th post. Split into 2 shorter posts. This is Part 1.)

“Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways
Look at me instead through eyes of mercy…” Psalms 25:6,7 NLB

I want to see me as I really am. As God sees me. But it's hard to do that if the mirror I use doesn't tell the truth.
What you see in a distorted mirror will likewise be distorted. What I see in this mirror is not the truth of who I am.
For years I trusted my view of me more than God’s. As a result I never saw any good in me and felt unworthy of love.
(For more on this topic, see my previous post 'Maybe my Mirror is Wrong'. )
 
But God saw me differently.  He bent down to help me see myself as He does. Through eyes of mercy.  The root word for ‘mercy’ in the OT is ‘chanan’ which means ‘to bend or stoop in kindness’. He did just that by sending three people to pull the mirror of truth out of the backroom and slide it in front of my eyes. These dear servants turned a light on. In that light, I saw His mercy in a way I never had. And the sight of His mercy is changing my view of Him. And me.
 
I'm grateful to my daughter Cherish, her friend Donna Oh and Dale Anderson, a pastor and author of 'Mercy Wins'. 
Dale taught a Bible College class on the book of James my daughter attended. She thought I'd love it and asked me to sit in a class. Since it was a daytime class, I kept putting it off.  But she kept asking.  So I went and I'm so glad I did.

Dale’s subject that day was the Mercy of God as seen in the book of James. I thought I understood the love of God well. But as Dale and others spoke of mercy, it felt like I was seeing God's heart for the first time. Dale let students pick which essay assignment to write on. One was to write about a comment Donna made in our discussion that day. 

“Mercy costs nothing to the one who receives it.  But it costs everything to the one who gives it.”
Donna Oh

I wanted to understand mercy. I wasn't a student but wrote an essay on Donna's quote. (The inspiration for this post)
Ever been in a dark room on a sunny day when someone pulls open the curtains? That's what it felt like for me as  I jumped into an earnest study of God's mercy and wrestled with Donna's observation. I thought I knew God quite well, but this study changed my view of God. Months later, I noticed that the way I saw myself was also changing.
 
I know we can't earn God’s love. But deep down I've always held a belief that I'll never be loved in the way I long to be unless I'm worth loving. Or said another way: 'Unless I'm good enough to be loved or unless I deserve to be loved.'
But an equally toxic mindset is to think we are worthy of His favor and deserve His love. Truth is: We are unworthy.
Before you call me a heretic, hear me out. In the sense of deserving love or grace or mercy, we don't deserve any of it.

There’s a difference between having worth and being worthy. To be worthy of an honor offered means we deserve it. 
We deserve death. We don’t deserve to be forgiven or adopted. But being worthy is not the same as having worth.

God makes it clear through His words and deeds that we have worth. He came to earth to make us His! We all were ‘in sin and error pining til He appeared and the soul felt it’s worth’. Why? He came for us! We know an item’s value by its cost. The price God paid to have us is the life of His Son! He says ‘Are you not of more value than the birds?’
 
I have worth! The confusion comes from thinking that if I’m unworthy (undeserving) of love, I must not have worth.  
Growing up with a fairly legalistic view of the Gospel, I knew I was sinful and that I don't deserve anything from God.
Which is why I find it hard to receive anything from God! Including His love. Why? I don’t deserve it! Which is true. God agrees. Yet He came to earth for me. Died for me. Not because I deserve it. But because in His eyes, I’m worth it!

Look at the opening Scripture above. Before David asks God to see him 'through eyes of mercy', he first asks God to not remember his sins. He knows he deserves judgment for his sin, yet he asks God to show him mercy and He does!

“Mercy costs nothing to the one who receives it. 
But it costs everything to the one who gives it.”
Donna Oh

Let's look at Donna's statement. I knew right away it was Biblically sound and true. That is, I knew it in my head. But the truth of it hadn't yet reached my heart. I had too much unlearning to do before I could ever see this truth as true.
 
In his book ‘Mercy Wins’, Dale Anderson spoke of an ‘unstated rule’ many live by. This rule tells us “we must deserve mercy before we get mercy”. I’ve never believed God’s love can be earned. Yet Dale's insight made me admit that I've lived most of my life in slavery to this ‘unstated rule’. I can describe mercy. Preach it. I know it! In theory. But to receive it from God directly is different. As different as studying a kiss and being kissed by my lover for the first time.
 
For most of my life, I’ve believed the lie that if I want to be loved, I must prove to you that I’m worthy of love.  It’s the same as thinking mercy must be merited or paid for.  Mercy does come at a price, but the cost is  paid by the giver.  Not the receiver. So I'll look at the 2nd statement first. I'll appreciate a free gift more if I know what it costs the giver.

Mercy costs everything for the one who gives it.
Mercy is free and cost us nothing.  But it's given at great cost by the One who offers it.
Here are a few Scriptures and my thoughts on the cost of giving mercy: for us and for God.
I’ll focus first on what it costs us to give others mercy and then what it costs God to give us mercy.

WHAT DOES IT COST US TO GIVE OTHERS MERCY?   
“He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.” John 1:11  
 “The servant is not greater than his lord.  If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you” John 15:20

There’s always a cost for the one giving mercy. Because the love behind the gift is not always seen as love.   
If we love like Jesus, we can expect to be rejected like Jesus. Especially by the very people we've chosen to love.
Will we keep loving people if they keep rejecting our love, keep taking it for granted or keep acting entitled to it?
When the greedy or self-centered take advantage of our mercy, can we remain merciful and kind in spite of it?

Genuine mercy requires nothing of the beloved, not gratitude or appreciation. I may want it but I won't demand it.
God will keep showing us mercy even if he knows we’ll never thank Him for it.  Why?  It's simple. We need it.

But how does He do it? How does He keep showing mercy when we use it as needed and take it for granted?
It’s because He’s merciful. That’s just the way He is. He is not immune to the emotional pain of ingratitude or
the sting of being taken advantage of by those you love. No one likes to be taken advantage of. That includes God.
Yet He will endure ingratitude rather than withhold His kindness. Why? We need it. It's just what mercy does.

Mercy people simply love you. Not because you love them first. Not because you love them back.
They just love you.
Not because you deserve their love. Not because of anything you do or don’t do.
You cannot merit, earn, buy or win their love by your acts of righteousness.
Nor does your deliberate sin cause you to forfeit, lose or jeopardize their love.
Mercy people love you before you ever do a good thing.
They also love you if you never do anything good.
 
They don’t need anything from you in order to love you.
Nor will anything you do or fail to do make them stop loving you.
There is nothing you can do to change their love for you.
Why?  Their love for you is not a response to something they see in you.
It’s based on something they feel deep inside their hearts.  They simply love you.
 
Mercy people demonstrate that love every single day.
No matter what you do to them.
Why would they do that?
They love you. 
So they show it …..
In how they act toward you, in how they react to you and in how they see you.

They respond to you in the most loving way they're capable of.
Sometimes in their love, they say ‘no’ because you need it.
Or they rebuke you, challenge you or hold you accountable because you need that too.
They may not rescue you, but let you take responsibility for your actions if that’s what’s best for you.
Whatever it is you truly need most in a given moment, that’s what they care most about.
 
It’s comes with the territory when you decide to be a merciful person.
You don’t pick and choose the people who are easy to love.
Nor do you pick and choose which aspects of the person you’ll love.
You know up front that you are committed to the whole person…the good & bad.
 
Loving someone unconditionally isn’t easy. 
Showing mercy may prove to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life.
You can count on the fact that you will be wounded by the very ones you choose to love. 
And the deepest wounds will most likely not come by deliberate attacks or cruel words.
They’ll come more subtly as you are ignored, overlooked and taken for granted. 
Are you still in?
 
It’s often the people closest to us that are the most difficult to love.
Samuel Smiles said “those nearest to us are those who reveal our true character”.
If anyone will find it easy to take us for granted, it’ll be those we spend the most time with.
Loving the one who uses you, yet neglects you or acts indifferent to you is anything but easy. 

It’s easy to boldly claim we’ll die for our mates, our children or our close friends.
But when our sacrifices are not acknowledged or our kindness is not appreciated,
it's understandable and natural for my kindness, patience or gentleness to lose its momentum.
That's why loving people like God is a supernatural act. You can't love like God apart from God.

If you greedily use my kindness to get out of trouble with no intention of changing, can I still be kind?
 
God can. He puts up with the absence of gratitude on a daily basis.
Yet He won't let me manipulate Him. Nor cripple my growth by doing everything for me.
All the while He keeps on loving me. And being there for me.  He refuses to cut me off.
Why? Because I’m His child, I need help and He’s a good father. Who loves me.

Sometimes good Fathers say ‘No’ when a “No” is more loving than a “Yes”.
They’ll even say it when the child interprets any “No” as a refusal to love them. 
Good wise fathers know when saying ‘No’ is the most loving thing they can do.
And if needed, they’ll keep on saying it, even when their love is misunderstood.        
It’s just what love does. It’s the sign of a caring, merciful, unselfish heart.
 
When the ones you love don’t care if you love them, can you keep loving them?
That’s what it means to 'be merciful as your Father in Heaven is merciful'.
 
Can we give up our right to get even or exact our own justice?  Mercy can. 
Can we risk our brother’s favor when love calls us to rebuke him? Mercy can.
Can we love him enough to not let him hurt or sabotage himself?  Mercy can. 
Can we hold to the boundaries he needs even if he hates us for it?  Mercy can.
Can we keep forgiving the relative who will likely wound us again? Mercy can.
Can we still love the sinner if they mistake our mercy for tolerance? Mercy can. 
Can we still love the sinner if they refuse to turn away from their sin?  Mercy can.
Can we take a public stand alongside a tax collector, harlot or thief? Mercy can.
Can we live with the scandal if we refuse to heap shame on the sinner? Mercy can.
Can we refuse to give up on the hard to love people God won't give up on?  Mercy can.

Can you catch a glimpse of what it costs to show others mercy?
That's but a fraction of what it costs God to keep showing us 'new mercies' every day.

 Jesus said 'Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful'.
Jesus was merciful. And He calls us to be.
Not to merely do acts of mercy, but to be people of mercy.
The gift of mercy comes at a great cost to the giver. But it's worth it.
When you truly love the one who needs it, it doesn't feel like a great cost.

I don’t know about you, but when I consider the ‘mercy way’, I’m not sure I can do it. Well actually, I know I can’t.
I’ll show people mercy, extend forgiveness. If it's not expected too often. I’ll even be kind to the offender. As long as they show some gratitude or appreciation and don't take advantage of me. But true mercy people are FULL of mercy.

I will confess that most of the time, my ‘mercy tank’ is running on fumes.  I can show a little mercy here and there.  But mercy doesn’t flow so freely from me as it does from Christ. It comes in irregular spurts. As I often withhold it.  But God is FULL of mercy. I'm not. I can’t be merciful unless He fills me with His love. It takes God to love like God.
'We know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.' Ro. 5:5  

 ‘Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends,
your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid.   But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind. Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you." Luke 14: 12-14

What will it cost us to show mercy? I think Jesus would answer us by saying ‘It doesn’t matter what it will cost you!
It only matters that mercy doesn’t cost the one who needs it’. Why does Jesus want us to invite those who can't repay us? I think He wants the poor to know the joy of a banquet they never thought possible. And He wants us to know the joy of giving a banquet free of charge. Yes it’s costly to show mercy. But the heart that's truly merciful doesn’t even think much about the cost. What matters to them is that mercy is offered to those who need it. Whatever the cost.
 
A pastor I once served with has a son who was born with esophageal atresia. He  spent most of his early years in the hospital. He had 40+ surgeries with many of them being major. His medical bills exceeded ten million at the time. And everyday his Dad faced the reality that his son's life depended on these surgeries. He also knew he'd likely be in debt the rest of his life. But you'd never know it if you saw him. He chose to trust God and chose to hold on to hope.
 
At news of yet another surgery, his first concern was that the surgery would be successful.  But the additional debt never deterred him from agreeing to more costly surgeries if needed. Why? It’s not that he didn't care about the debt. He was deeply concerned about it. The reason he could stay unfazed if his son required a new surgery was that his priorities were clear. There's simply no cost too high if your son’s need is critical and his life and future depend on it.
 
God feels this way about our need of mercy. He knows how crucial mercy is. But like a child who's clueless as to how urgent his health issues are or why he needs surgery, we have no idea just how much we need the mercy of God every waking minute. As a fish needs water and a plant needs soil, a shame laden heart simply can't survive without mercy.

So when the Trinity held counsel together and decided "Let Us make man in our image", they counted the cost of what it would take to adopt us. They agreed that we were worth it and that no cost was too high to have us in their family. To be merciful like our Father is to have the same heart for others. To invite them in like we were invited in.  They need mercy! What matters is that they get it. What it will cost from us to make that happen is truly secondary.

If a dying man needs a new heart, the donor’s heart is crucial for his survival. The dying man's life and everything he loves depends on receiving this new heart. He not only needs it in the time leading up to surgery. He will need that heart every day. He can't live a day longer unless that heart keeps pumping life giving blood throughout his body. What blood is to the body, God's mercy is to the heart.  The reason His mercy is new each day is we need it every day.

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning."
Lamentations 3:21-23

This post is continued in Part 2:   Seeing myself through eyes of Mercy - Pt 2