I've Decided to Stop being Undecided

Excerpt: Decision making is difficult. This post offers tools to help with the dilemmas that come with decision making: Inertia, lack of motivation, a cluttered mind, too many options, perfectionism and uncertainty.

Adapted from an article I wrote for Attention Magazine: a magazine for ADHD Adults and Children.
Published in 2014 under the title 'Creative Approaches for Better Decision Making'

I think the root cause of my indecision is the decisions themselves! I blame them! I mean they just keep coming! Demanding answers! They don't even ask permission! Each one screaming 'But mine is urgent!' And if you're making decisions with an ADHD brain, it's like directing traffic in a third world city in rush hour with no lanes, traffic lights or whistle and each driver has a mind of his own. Your job? Decide who goes where and when they go.

Henry David Thoreau said he “wished to live deliberately”.  I, too, want to be decisive, and yet I often feel paralyzed by indecision.  Every alternative seems equally important.  Even after I decide, I’ll second-guess myself.   I also make impulsive choices I regret.  I therefore don’t trust my decision making ability.  Like the batter who stops swinging to avoid the pain of striking out, I stop living my life 'deliberately'. Decisions that come easy to others will paralyze me.

Difficult Decisions call for a Simpler Approach!

Decision making is difficult. Especially for those of us with ADHD. But difficult doesn't always mean impossible.  Our brains work differently, but they do work!   We may think we need a new brain or more willpower, but we may just need a few creative solutions and a fresh approach to decision making that's more suited to our ADHD brains.  

Let’s RETHINK: Is my approach to decision making working?  

The pressure to make decisions causes stress. You can relieve some of the stress if you rethink the way you approach decision making.  The systems, strategies and tools that work for those without ADHD may not work well for you.  And the best process for organizing, managing time or making decisions is the process that works best for you.  

Think strategic. Not systematic.
Any approach to a task that is linear or systematic is rarely user-friendly for the ADHD brain.  Yet there are essential aspects to any decision (e.g. goals, options, benefits, risks, et).  Keep these in mind, but design your own process and carry it out in a way that works for you. Companies like Pixar, 3M or Apple promote a culture that feeds innovation. Your brain can find solutions no one else sees! So build a culture for yourself that lets your innovative mind thrive.

Think holes. Not drills.
Marketing guru Ted Levitt explains that drill customers aren't actually looking for a drill. They want a certain type of hole. A drill is simply the means to obtain that kind of hole. Don’t lose sight of your goal in the pursuit of efficienc or efficiency. Efficiency is not the goal. It’s easy to over-complicate minor decisions and oversimplify major ones.

Think tools. Not rules.
Rules must be obeyed. No exceptions. There’s only one right way. But tools are task-specific. The best tool is whichever one helps you accomplish the particular task at hand. Your list of strategies is not a to-do list. It’s your toolbox. Keep adding to it as you learn. (This concept comes from Spirituality for the Rest of Us by Larry Osborne.)

Let’s RETOOL: Specific Solutions for Common Dilemmas

How do we know which solutions to use? It may help to see decisions as doors and difficult decisions as locked doors. Solutions are keys that help us open locked doors. Just as a key has no value unless we know which door it unlocks, solutions are only practical if we know which problems they help us resolve.

I once attended a support group for adults with ADHD in Kansas City. After being asked to lead a meeting, I asked the group to share their greatest challenges related to decision making. They included dilemmas like impulsivity, procrastination, over-preparation, fear of failing, too many options, lack of confidence and motivation, inertia, and many others. We can only address a few here. So build your own toolbox by identifying your own dilemmas and which tools help. See this list as a ring of keys or a box of tools. It’s not a recipe. Use the tool you need as you need it.

Decision Time Dilemma #1: Inertia and Lack of Motivation

To get it done, make it fun!
'Shoulds' and 'oughts' rarely motivate the unmotivated. So make a game of it! Find a fun approach that holds your attention and engages your interest. List all the pros and cons you can in ten minutes or brainstorm with others. The next two ideas are adapted from 'ADDFriendly Ways to Organize Your Life' by Judith Kolberg and Kathleen Nadeau.

Divide the dreadful into micro-moments.
If you dread it, divide it. Pick just one aspect of the process. (For example, define the decision.) Just do that for now.
Big projects require so many choices. List every decision that must be made for this project, then take one at a time.

Throw away the carrots and the sticks! In his book Drive, Dan Pink questions how well rewards and punishment really motivate us to initiate or sustain effort. He suggests we find intrinsic motivation by focusing on what we like to do or do well. As for tasks we don’t like or excel at, find a new motivation that'll sync with our values.

Turn your thoughts into action.
You can’t always think your way out of a problem. Sometimes you have to take action! Journalism professor Bill Raeder says, “Thought is useful when it motivates action and a hindrance when it substitutes for action.”

“It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting.”
Millard Fuller (Founder of Habitat for Humanity)

Decision Time Dilemma #2:  A Cluttered and Distracted Mind

Caution—information overload ahead!
In the book Find your Focus Zone, Lucy Jo Palladino says, “Information overload occurs when a person is exposed to more information than the brain can process at one time.” Too much information at once overstimulates your brain, leading to stress, confusion, and indecision. Set limits on Internet use, mental exertion, and even television. As our bodies need rest, our brains need a break. Give your brain a rest! You'll find it works much better tomorrow!

Think like a restaurant server.
A busy restaurant cannot let tables stay cluttered. Dishes are removed once the food is eaten. Servers constantly declutter. We add so much to our “mental table” without ever subtracting anything. Since we can only make one decision at a time, let’s make better ones by removing unrelated distractions. (Idea from J. Kolberg and K. Nadeau.)

Structure is your friend.
Our ADHD brains tend to resist any kind of external structure. Yet structure can free our minds to focus on what we enjoy.  Scheduled routines you maintain at regular times reduce the number of choices that you need to think about.

Decision Time Dilemma #3: Overwhelmed by Too Many Options

Pick a leg! A lion tamer holds a stool in front of him to divide the lion’s focus. Some will even attach shiny medallions to each leg. With its focus divided between four legs, the lion can’t lock in on his prey and is less likely to charge. If we try to look at everything at once, we focus on nothing and so we do nothing. So pick a leg and charge! 

Be a 'satisficer' not a 'maximizer'.
In The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz introduces us to 'maximizers' and what he calls 'satisficers'.  Maximizers seek the best possible choice, which means hours of agonizing and paralyzing evaluation. Satisficers first define a few preferred criteria for making a choice. For example, I want a DVR with these three features and under $200. When an item meets my criteria, I buy it and take it home. And I refuse to waste any time in regret or second guessing.

Be a chooser, not a picker.
Choosers make decisions about their decisions. Is it important? Must it be made now or made at all? Must I make it? Which option best meets my criteria? Choosers make a choice only when they know what they want. Pickers don’t know what they want. They'll browse for hours yet resist making an actual choice. (This is also from Barry Schwartz.)

Decision Time Dilemma #4: Perfectionism
(The next three solutions are also adapted from The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz.)

Learn to accept “good enough.”
Settle for a choice that meets your core requirements. To insist on the elusive perfect decision is a recipe for misery.   Some decisions matter more than others. Let the time and attention you give a choice match its overall importance.

Don’t worry about what you’re missing.
Don't waste time thinking about whatever you missed in the options you rejected. Focus instead on the positive aspects of the choice you made. If I focus on a life I want but don't have or the life I have but don't want, I never live!

Control expectations.
“Don’t expect too much, and you won’t be disappointed” is a cliché. But this is sensible advice if you want to be more satisfied with life. Expecting too much from your decisions puts too much pressure on the decision making process. It also breeds disappointment though you made a good choice! The grass is still good on your side of the fence!

Decision Time Dilemma #5: Lack of Confidence

Cancel the audition!
A decision is more stressful when we care too much about its impact on others or what they'll think about our choice. While we must consider what others think, we will make unwise decisions if our only motive is to obtain approval. It’s a decision, not an audition. (Idea from Stephen Furtick's book 'Crash the Chatterbox')

Stop sabotaging yourself.
I’m often so obsessed with my self-improvement plans that I can’t see my strengths and contributions. If I measure my worth by how well I perform, then each forgotten task, late arrival or poor decision only confirms my self-doubts.

My friend and ADHD coach Kay Grossman helped me immensely when she said, “Jack, your critical self-judgments hinder you far more than your organizational struggles.” Your attitude toward yourself and your ADHD will help you press on through the highs and lows of decision making. A mistake is a mistake. It simply means you're human.

Paralyzed by Indecision?
Swing for the fences!

There is no guarantee you’ll never make a mistake or an unwise choice. In fact, you can plan on striking out once in awhile. You'll also get a few hits or a home run. Just don’t let the fear of a wrong decision keep you from deciding. You can rebound from any mistake. Except the mistake of letting fear paralyze you. So live deliberately! Swing away!

For more on this topic, see Paralyzed from the Neck Up - Part 1 along with Part 2 and Part 3,